I've gotten a little off track from what I'm supposed to be doing as a corps member in the classroom. I've been so focused on helping my teacher regain control of her classroom and redirecting all the students who are off task. I think it's valuable work, and I can see that what I'm dojng is helpful, but it's not what I'm supposed to do as a part of City Year. I am supposed to focus on those students that are within reach of success and failure at the same time. Those students who have potential but are getting swallowed by the system. So I've got to redirect my attention from saving the class from certain destruction to helping my students save themselves from becoming collateral damage.
Which sucks. I really want to help my teacher create a successful learning environment where all her students can learn effectively. But that is not my job and I understand that I will not be able to do both things. So I have to help my focus list students first, and then contribute to my class. Lesson learned the disheartening way.
I felt a lot better when I went on a run this evening and was reminded why I do this job. I live in a really nice area of San Antonio and I was running around my residential neighborhood when I ran by a junior high school. It is not a part of the inner city district and is one of the highest-achieving schools in SA. The inequality was staring me in the face. I was running by the houses of children that went to this school and I could see how my students are robbed of so many things that lead to success. I saw a girl hanging Halloween decorations in her yard until her dad drove up and she yelled "Daddy!" and ran up to him (yes, that seriously happened in real life) and there were kids sitting on the porch working on what I assume is homework. It reminded me of my school in West Lafayette where parents would be worried about a 5-point in class assignment missing and my students' biggest day-to-day concern was where to park the cars that were given to them by their families.
It's not fair. My students didn't choose the lifestyle they live here. They didn't choose to go to my school or live in the neighborhood or have the responsibilities they have. But they will choose what they know if they don't see there is a viable second option that is desirable to them. And that's what I'm supposed to be helping them with. I don't feel very impactful at this moment, but I believe I can help these students see the second option by helping them see that they can be successful in school. I think I can. My students are smart kids who are plenty capable of being successful in school if they put forth the effort. The riddle lies in finding a way to motivate them to do well academically.
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